i am fighting with the strong impulse to start dieting again. i lost this weight 3 years ago and then gained it back again. i was 110 then and i'm 130 now. i know i can do it but it changes me. i get obsessed. i want it so much though, i want to walk on the carpet in my room without making so much as a sound. i want to wear a size 2 and swim in the ocean. i wonder what my body looks like without all of the extra fat inside. i sound ridiculous. but this notion stays with me more than you'd think.